five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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