I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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