whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
