woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just invented taco cereal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
