can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
