im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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