I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
