my phone needs a breathalizer
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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