It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
