Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize