a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
