no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
