Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
