dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
