Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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