So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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