I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
