The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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