Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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