you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
