proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
