i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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