Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
