He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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