Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
