haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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