I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
