He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
