He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
