we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
third nipple confirmed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
