i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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