My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
