How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
