Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
