she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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