A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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