if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
