I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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