She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
