Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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