He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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