he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
