I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
