first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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