She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
