So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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