I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
