it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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