So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
