dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize