i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Small penises have feelings too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
