it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
