At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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