You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
