the condom got lost in my hair
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the day after is always just damage control
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
