i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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