I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
