I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my being single is dangerous.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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