I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
