Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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