There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
