it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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