Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
