every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
