New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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