two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
