i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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