he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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