I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
