Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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