Ketchup is God's man juice
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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