shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
