but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
