it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
