need another drink. this is the easiest way
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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