You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
